I spent most of high school trying too hard. At first, it was my grades (this one's actually pretty fair), then it was about being funny, being cool, being accepted. For the latter, that meant following the latest fashion trends, breaking rules to seem careless, and saying what people wanted to hear — whether I agreed with it or not.

It worked, in a sense. I made friends, quite a few of them. But they weren't real, genuine friends. It was also a big reason I hated so much of high school.

I'm no longer friends with 99% of the people I went to school with. I still keep in contact with a couple, but my circle is far smaller now. I prefer it that way. The friends I have now are genuine — people I can talk to about anything, at any time. They support me, and I support them. It's taught me that the people you keep around affect you far more than you realise.

Building Friendships as an Adult

As a kid, it's relatively easy to meet and make friends. You hang out once or twice — the playground, the sports field, a party — and suddenly you're hanging out all the time. School makes social interaction effortless.

It's different as an adult. People have different interests, goals, beliefs, and lifestyles. Finding a friend becomes more selective, and catching up requires more effort. Here are a couple of things I'd suggest if you want meaningful friendships in your adult life.

Choose Your Circle Carefully

The people you spend the most time with typically have the greatest influence over you. Think about who you're spending time with. What do they believe in? What kind of people are they, or are they trying to be? Does that align with who you want to be? Friends who share common interests and goals tend to have stronger friendships, because they push each other forward instead of holding each other back.

Making Effort When It's Reciprocated

When someone makes it clear they want to see you, it's easy. It's a lot harder when you're the one making all the plans. If you feel like you're putting in more effort than the other person, say something. If nothing changes, maybe it's not worth your time. Likewise, if you've been the one slacking but still want to keep the friendship alive, make the time.

Healthy Boundaries

Good friendships still need boundaries. Advice is valuable, but that doesn't mean every friend needs a say in your career, your family, or how you spend your alone time. A genuine friend supports your decisions without needing to control them. The goal isn't distance — it's making sure you're the one steering your life, not outsourcing it to whoever's opinion is loudest in the group chat.

Friendships matter, even as an adult — maybe more than ever. They improve your mental health, offer support when you need it, and give you an escape from everything else going on in your life. Nurture the strong ones and let go of the toxic ones.

Take five minutes this week and think honestly about your circle. Is there someone you've been meaning to reach out to? Send the text. Is there a friendship that's been draining more than it gives? Let it go.

— Nate