“Sorry, I like guys with muscles.”
These words stung more than any physical pain ever could. After four months of crushing on this girl, I’d finally plucked up the courage to tell her how I felt. As an already shy and insecure 13-year-old, the pain and embarrassment of rejection broke me.
My memories of the early years of high school are ones I try to forget. After spending the entire summer before grade 7 in hospital—unable to eat for a solid month—I rocked up on my first day weighing a skeletal 30kg at 160cm. I spent most of this first year coming home and crying into my pillow, ashamed about what girls had said to me about my size, or how boys stronger than me had pushed me around.
I began weight training at the somewhat early age of 13, after being rejected by who I thought would be my one true love (silly, I know). However, as a teenager with no experience in strength training, and an ultra-fast metabolism, years passed with barely any change. The harder I tried, the more invisible my progress felt. The frustration turned inward—into low self-esteem, and eventually depression.
The turning point came after a call from a semi-professional football club I had been training with over the summer after I graduated. As a kid, it had been my dream to play at the highest level of sport, but had slowly been crushed by my small stature.
“We think you’re talented, and have excellent skill.”
My hopes soared.
“But unfortunately you lack the muscle to compete at this level. You’re cut.”
My heart sank. I spent the next few weeks drinking and partying away all my hard work, ignoring the issue that was staring me directly in the face.
But rock bottom hadn’t finished with me yet.
My girlfriend at the time broke up with me, quite fairly for my poor behaviour and owing a large amount of money.
It was here it dawned on me that feeling sorry for myself was never going to solve any of my problems. I vowed to make a change. I would take responsibility and do everything in my power to improve myself, fix my insecurities and face what I had previously ignored.
Two years down the track, after mostly consistent training, eating well and prioritising areas of my life I want to improve, I am well and truly on the path to becoming who I was meant to be. I’m now a lean but healthy 193cm and 85kg, financially stable and in a far better headspace than I was before. I’ve learnt to face my fears early, do the difficult thing and take accountability for where I am as an individual, regardless of outside influences. I’ve also come to realise I was never alone in this—and neither are you.
The motivation I have taken from hearing others’ journeys of self-improvement and the lessons I have learnt from my own path have ultimately inspired me to create Ascendance, the digital platform for young people of all backgrounds to utilise in transforming their own lives.
Whether you’re looking to improve your health, build financial security, start that business you’ve always dreamt of, or simply become more confident in your own skin—if you know you’re capable of more—this is where your ascendance begins.
Nate